I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
