My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
