we have officially mastered the walk of shame
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We talked him into tasing himself.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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