I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
