I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
