So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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