I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
