My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
