is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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