Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
