Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My life is pants optional.
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