Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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