Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
im on a boat
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