I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
