I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
