pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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