im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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