so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
