whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
