I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
you never un-have a 4some
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
