Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize