I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Just invented taco cereal.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
