last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
