i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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