Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
