I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
