i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
