He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
