I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
