I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Did I show you my penis last night?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
