I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
