Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
