we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
