I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
