i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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