Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
