it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
