your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
