Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
