dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
