I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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