I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
