Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
