I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Can I color on your dick again?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
