dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
