I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
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