I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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