Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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