If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
