you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
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No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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