There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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