Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
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