I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
