An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had to cum in my sink.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
