he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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