my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I want her autograph on my taint
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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