so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
