I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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