I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
