I must be too annoying 4 u.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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