He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
