im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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