I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
