note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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