If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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