it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
