WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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