Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
