Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
