I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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