Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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