Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
