I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
