It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
