how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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