Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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